If I'm being honest...

This pregnancy is sort of kicking my butt! 

I remember vividly how different my second pregnancy with Rhetter was, 

it's so different when you have one already, 

there are days you almost forget you are pregnant, 

with so much to do with a toddler (aka The Case man) running around. 

This time, I have two little boys. 

A 5 year old and a three year old. 

As you can imagine, they are non stop. 

Not only are they running around, they are jumping, sliding, somersaulting, 

fighting, and testing. Sweet little crazies...did I mention they are testing?

Some days my patience is running on fumes from the start,

and quickly disintegrates into nothing, long before Daddy gets home.

On the good days I have patience, but it only lasts until about 4pm. 

I hate these days, I have so much Mommy guilt about not being an energetic, "fun" Mom all day long. 

It's hard being pregnant with two other little ones. 

Just being honest. 

In the evenings, when my sweet, amazing husband comes home, 

gives me a huge hug, and tells me to go lay down in bed...I often just burst into tears! 

One, because I'm so exhausted and so unbelievably thankful at the thought of just laying down. 

Two, because I feel so awful that he is coming home from a long day of work, cooks dinner and plays with the boys and the big dog every night, while I'm upstairs being the emotional, crying preggo. 

{sigh}

He tells me on the nights that I'm a bawling, blubbering mess,

 that I am making a baby, I am not doing "nothing" that I am not "worthless" 

and that he loves coming home to help in any way he can. 

I assure him I am these things, and he reassures me that I'm not. 

It's a vicious cycle, 

I try and remember to talk to God about this, 

whenever I am overwhelmed by these feelings. 

However, I often just start apologizing for not being better, 

which leads to my downward spiral of feeling worthless all over again. 

 Blah! Why am I so hard on myself?

Why are Mom's so hard on themselves?

Lord knows I need to turn to Him daily, instead of when I can't handle it anymore. 

Something I am working on...

I tend to feel like I'm bothering him with the little stuff, 

when I know there are so many more things going on in this world!

I will never forget a sermon I heard once though, 

that God loves hearing the little things. 

God wants us to trust Him with our hearts, 

all of our hearts, thoughts and self.

Will be praying on this, this week. 

This precious baby girl that we can't wait to meet

is kicking my tail, but so very thankful for this precious miracle of life growing inside my tummy.

 I feel her all throughout the day now, especially in the evenings while resting. 

I can see my belly move and jump, 

the boys are starting to feel her more and more as well.

However, she's a sneaky one, she likes to stop moving as soon as another hand rests on my belly. :)

 My growing belly is making my back hurt, 

I have new zits every other day, 

I'm so sore all over by the end of the day, 

heartburn, 

exhaustion, 

zero patience, 

oh man. 

It's all worth it though, 

but sure makes the days long...and this never ending winter is not helping my blues. 

I know we will get through this, and one day I'll read this post and laugh, 

remembering the trenches of daily life with littles and pregnancy, and even miss it. 

Thankful for perspective, thankful for the baby, thankful for my amazing family. 

I'm feeling a little flighty on my thoughts now, so I'm going to wrap it up before I keep rambling. 

Just one more thing, 

I have gained 9, nine, NINE pounds since my last appointment 4 weeks ago. 

Holy cow. 

...and also my appt in 4 weeks is my glucose test and then I go to the Dr. every 2 weeks. 

WHAT?! 

Picking out paint samples for the nursery was a huge highlight of my week. 

Alright, that's all.